Hey Readers, remember me? You know, the girl who sort of
blogged before and then disappeared off the face of the earth. I am back and it
looks like 2016 could be our year! There have been lots of updates, vents, and
stuff happening over the last couple of months so come along for the ride!
So the last chapter of this story took place right after we
suffered a loss in September. Jeff and I decided to regroup, take some time away from trying
to get pregnant, and heal. I threw myself into my work; I social worked the heck
out of every case possible. I thought about the cases even when at home and never
really let my brain “turn off work” because then it had to deal with the pain
and I just wasn’t able to do that.
It didn’t help that we had a completely terrible doctor during the loss who
was super insensitive and is now referred to as Dr. Jerk. When he called to
tell us the next steps, he said he “never expected the pregnancy to work
because the numbers were so low and this didn’t surprise him”. He also told us
we were out of options and then only thing that would work would be IVF and he
would no longer treat us until we were ready to go there. We were no longer
ready for IVF just yet because this course of treatment did work, it just was not meant
to be. Don’t take away baby bean’s existence!
That led to a downward spiral for me into what I can only
describe as a loss of purpose in life and depression. I spent way too many “happy
hours” at the local “establishment” (also known as the bar), dealing with the sadness
in an unproductive way but at least surrounded by friends. I was not sure where
to go or how and so I just felt hopeless and stuck. And really really alone
even in a crowd of people. It was probably one of the darkest times in my life and a time when I felt abandoned, even by God. I knew life would go on, I just didn't know how and I wasn't sure I wanted it too. I also knew there must be a plan or bigger purpose and so after a few weeks (which felt like years), I picked myself up (well lets be honest-my amazing friends lifted me up) and I decided this would not be the end of this journey. I allowed God into my life again and we figured out our next steps.
Fast forward to November and we decided to see a different
RE (fertility doctor). We made an appointment and decided to see if the
opinions would change. And they did! This doctor had a whole different feel. He
spent over an hour with us (more time than the other one did in the whole year
we were with him) and he told us he thought there was hope and a lot of it. He also told us
that he didn’t believe the blocked tube was blocked or at least he thought it
could be potentially unblocked. So we chose to pursue a laparoscopic surgery to
see what was what. The day before thanksgiving, I had surgery. No turkey for me on Thanksgiving, just vicodin, fluids, and sleep! This surgery had
the potential to
During the surgery it was determined that both of my tubes were
basically useless. One tube was blocked (as we had thought it may be) and one
was stuck with adhesions. Both of these issues were caused from scar tissue from a
botched appendix surgery performed when I was serving in Iraq. The army is just
full of gifts that keep on giving.
Are you wondering what these findings mean? Don’t worry-I
got you and refer to the picture above if you are a visual learner. Basic anatomy lesson-most women have two fallopian tubes that just
kind of float and hang out in space. When an egg is released each month from
the ovaries, the tube from that side floats over to the egg, sucks it in (think
vacuum hose) and the egg floats down the tube. If sperm are swimming up the
tube at the same time-they could met and boom-baby. If not, the egg just floats
down and 24 hours after it is released it dies. But my tubes each had an issue.
Lefty was stuck-no free floating for that tube. So the egg just kind of dropped
into oblivion except the .000001% chance it fell off into the tube (how we got
baby bean). Righty was blocked-no ability for egg to meet sperm-no chance for a
baby.
Long story short-NO WORKING TUBES SO BASICALLY NO CHANCE TO
GET PREGNANT IN THE LAST 2+ YEARS!!!! Another great thing Dr. Jerk missed. But
our new Doctor was able to fix the problem!!! I now have two shiny and clean
tubes!!! So now we have a new treatment plan and a new chance to get pregnant.
There is still a potential that after 6 or 9 months, the tube could re-block
but we will at least always have one working tube for future babies! Life holds
new potentials and new possibilities and we are ready to take 2016 by storm.
Hopefully this 26 month and counting journey to get pregnant will end soon with
a successful pregnancy and our
