Well this was a fun and exciting month. I went in for my typical baseline ultrasound at the beginning of the month and was told that I have a gigantic cyst! LOL at the fact that the doctor said it so casually. Apparently it is "only the size of a golf ball"- so no big deal!?!?!?!? While he's over there saying no big deal I'm over here going holy crap I have something the size of a golf ball me and I had no idea! This is why I preach about having monitored cycles. 6 cycles with no cysts and nothing different about this one and BOOM, cyst. Want to see what it looks like? Here you go-
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I've heard many people talk about how their doctor just prescribed Clomid or other medications and never get monitored. What's the big deal you ask? Well being on those medications can cause a cyst to grow and potentially rupture and then not only will you be in tremendous pain and in the emergency room, you could end up losing your entire Fallopian tube. No big deal right… Just kidding! So anybody out there thinking about just getting an unmonitored cycle to see how it works, to save money, or because your doc said it is ok-caution caution caution. Not only caution but running the other direction, because you really want to risk your fertility completely?
So since I decided that I would like to keep my tube in the semi OK condition that it is, I'm on the bench for the month. No treatments, no chance at getting pregnant, nothing. Just sitting here keeping the bench warm. I feel like the little kid who just kicks the dirt while the other kids go play. One would think that this is no big deal, what is another month when you have already been doing this for 20 months, except one doesn't understand infertility. There are many things that I had planned to do this month and canceled due to when treatments would've been. These included going to an amazing conference for my coaching business, going home to visit family and friends, and going out with Jeff for a weekend away. We cancelled all of these events due to how the treatment cycle should have progressed. And welcome to infertility, you cancel your life and then you end up with the cycle cancelled. Sometimes it's just so frustrating.
This is just one really good example about how ladies who suffer from infertility live their lives. It's always month-to-month, cycle to cycle, treatment to treatment. You try and plan your entire life around cycles and monitoring days. And at the end of the day you are reminded that you have very little control over the situation and life isn't fair. It is at times like this where I start to think that infertility is synonymous with life isn't fair.I have to remind myself:
I will admit, I am starting to lose some faith that this will ever happen. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an upbeat person who usually sees the glass as half full. But it gets harder and harder to trust and have faith. Some days are dark and dreary. Some days just suck. I have a very strong faith and trust in God's plan, but sometimes that faith is hard to maintain. So for today, I am going to put this here, so that even though I am feeling shaky-I can be reminded of his promises until they come true. If any one can spare some extra prayers, I would be very happy to accept them.
So that's the update, nothing. But I promise you I will try to update more often so I'm trying to fulfill my end of the deal. Check back in a week or two and I'll let you know where we sit on the situation.
