Dear Haters

So I'm sure you're wondering what the heck could possibly be going on, she can barely come up with enough stuff to blog about more than once a month and now she's doing two in one week?!?! Well, let's just say, Life has been difficult this week. I created a blog to share not only what's going on but also the good and bad that happen along the way. This is one of the tough times. 

I knew that being public about our struggle and allowing people into our lives could create problems. I knew that some people may not agree with our decisions or may not understand them. You might ask why I would blog about our problems in the first place if I knew it would be met with people who didn't understand or criticize our life? I blog for many reasons. I blog to raise awareness of just how common infertility is. I blog so that people know how much this baby is loved, prayed for, wanted, planned for, and did I say loved… Yes so very loved. I blog for people who are misinformed and for people just starting this journey. I want people to have the truth, make wise decisions, and know that there are many options out there.

But really my main reason for blogging, is for the other women out there who struggle with infertility. Infertility is such a lonely and difficult world. So many women are unable to talk about their struggles without feeling shame or guilt or sadness. Many of these women cannot share with family and friends what is going on in their lives. They feel like no one will understand or people will see them as lesser. I blog for those women. On a weekly basis I hear from people around the country and really now around the world who have read my blog and have thanked me, because at least they know they're not alone. I blog for each and every one of those women. Nobody should feel alone, not when they are suffering pain and hardship. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. 

I also knew that there may not be people who agree with what we choose to do. And I have always been the kind of person who says that everybody is entitled to their own opinions, and as long as they are informed, respectful, and polite, I will discuss any differing opinions with people. But this week we had family members in our immediate family tell us that not only do they not agree with our decision of using science to help us get pregnant, but they have gone as far as to say they CANNOT LOVE OUR FUTURE CHILD if the BABY is not conceived "naturally". Specifically these people stated it was against "Their God". This was a blow that I was not ready for. 

I have always been a strong person, and I thought I was ready for anything. But sometimes strong people have their own doubts. If you all remember, last week I even wrote how I was struggling with my faith at the moment anyways, a blog I know these people read. This does not help me gain faith back in God and really turns me off of people who evangelize in all the wrong ways. I was not ready to hear this. Everybody is entitled to their own opinions, but to say that you can't love a tiny innocent baby because of how it was conceived goes too far. These people have also gone as far as to say that we are acting against God and that our child won't be a real person. You have got to be kidding me right? Below are two babies-one "natural" and one IVF-can you tell them apart? I can't. 

I spent a lot of time this week thinking, and I even contemplated not blogging anymore and lying to the world about our journey. But I refuse to let these haters take me down. My child will be conceived with love, want, and probably science. And we're OK with that and that's all that matters. So instead of taking down my blog and letting the haters win, I want to write a letter to the haters. So to all my haters:  

First off, I pray that you never know the pain and sadness that comes from infertility. I pray that if you choose to have a family, you are able to have the family in the way that you hope for. I pray that you never know how lonely, sad, and hard this journey is. And with that being said, I pray that if you do you suffer from infertility in the future, you never have to meet somebody like yourself. Somebody who thinks they know everything and makes judgments they don't understand. Someone who is ignorant. 

Jeff and I have had to make a lot of hard decisions over the last couple of years. We had no indication that we would have trouble and thought that our family would just grow like everybody else's. We had no idea that it would be such a long hard journey. We also made the decision to share our journey with others for various reasons. But it wasn't so you could hate our child. It also wasn't so that you could look at our child and say that he or she wasn't a real child or that you couldn't love them. 

I have no idea where you get the right to decide how we should help our family grow. You are not us, you don't know the long agonizing discussions we've had, and you don't know how many nights we have sat up crying. Basically you really don't know us on a deep personal level. Your words have not only caused me pain but have also caused my husband pain and isolation and for that, it is unforgivable. And if that wasn't bad enough, to watch my husband suffer because of your ignorance, you state that you cannot love my child. That is OK, my child will have lots of love and support from other people and does not need to be around someone who can't love them anyways. 

And in regards to what you are saying about this being against "your" God. I have nothing to say. I was under the impression that we believed in the same God, but I guess I was wrong. My God is a God of love, who loves everybody from the moment they were conceived. My God is a God who believes humans were created in his image, not that some humans were created in his image and some weren't. He does not pick and choose who he loves and who he calls to him. My God is a God that loves each and every person, every person.  

My God is a God that teaches that everybody is special, everybody has a story, and everybody deserves to be loved. My God is also a God who gave us science. He has allowed us the ability to conceive outside the womb, and within a couple of days, place the baby in the womb and grow a baby. FYI, in case you didn't know, babies are not conceived in you womb, they are actually conceived in your Fallopian tube. So no baby is conceived in the womb… Just saying. 

I know why certain churches/denominations have been against IVF, do you? I also know you have not asked us specific questions to know if we are going against the church's teachings or not. Maybe you should have had a conversation before you spit hatred out. Maybe you should have done some research before jumping on the hatred wagon. Maybe you should have formed your thoughts from information and not just passed judgement. 

It does not matter anymore for you hater. My child(ren), my family, and myself will no longer have anything to do with haters. 

Sincerely,  

A very hurt person who wants nothing more than to become a mom

Thank you for letting me vent. And go ahead haters-you just hate. I am going to be ok without you.